People don’t always know what they want in a soul mate (it is not as easy as buying dishwashing detergent). While we think we know what we want, we’re often wrong. With algorithms, online-dating services initially tried to find matches bases almost exclusively on what clients said they wanted. But it became apparent that the kind of partner they wanted (age, religion, hair color and the like) did not match up with the kind of partner they were actually interested in.
What Matters and What Doesn’t. Online dating is a circus of self-deception.
A. There are the things that people don’t want to matter, but do like race.
B. Then there are the things that people want to matter, but don’t.
1. Profile Text. What you write about yourself in your profile text hardly makes a difference. Many personal apps have gotten rid of personal essays altogether.
2. Religion. No matter how important religion may be in your personal life, in online dating on mainstream sites, it is of marginal importance. However on niche sites like JDate and ChristianMingle, religion is a core value.
3. Hair colour, eye colour, height, education, employment are generally irrelevant.
C. What Matters the Most.
1. Picture. This has 12 times the impact of your profile text.
2. Smoking. How often one smokes is one of the very few true deal breakers.
3. Desire for children.
50% of people’s preferences for faces is unique to them – even among identical twins. So what drives physical attraction if not genetics or familial upbringing?
Appearance. Beyond symmetrical features, people tend to like faces similar to ones they’ve seen before, as well as those associate with positive information (like a good friend’s physical characteristics).
Smell. When women sniff men’s shirts, they are more attracted to odours of men whose MIC molecules (which fight disease) differed from theirs. This makes sense, since it enables the creation of more diverse, protective genes.
Voice. Women rate men with deep voices as more attractive. For men, the preference was breathiness, followed by higher voices.
Words. The words you put in your online dating profile can sometimes be important.
Which words can help bolster your online dating profile to attract more interest? Creative, Healthy, Read, Surfing, Book, Lifting weights, Write, Yoga, Running, Piano, Guitar, Music, Motorcycle.
All these words are positive. And they all show you’re either active, artistic, or intellectual. If none really describe you, find similar ones that convey your interests. And make sure to avoid any negative words.
12 WAYS TO MAKE YOURSELF MORE ATTRACTIVE – That Have Nothing to Do with Your Appearance
All of the best suggestions move beyond simply “being nice.” Niceness, kindness, and all those other “good” qualities should be the barest minimum required for being human, not just being a human who would like to date other humans. They’re not necessarily things you have to do only for other people — a lot of them are things that you should do for yourself. The overall effect they’ll have on your happiness and outlook will then spread to other areas of your life, including relationships.
So make yourself a better person, and therefore a more attractive person in the process. We’re all ongoing projects and that means we can always change.
1. Cultivate Decisiveness.
Stop saying “I don’t care”, “I don’t know”, “What do you feel like doing?” Besides being open to and respectful of other’s suggestions, knowing what you want can be really attractive. It’s a demonstrable way of displaying confidence, and therefore more useful than simply trying to “be confident” (whatever that means).
2. Play to Your Strengths.
Find attractive qualities in yourself – your strong points: funny, confident, talkative, nice etc etc. But it’s different from person to person.
A person who’s naturally not funny would come across as lame when being something they aren’t when actually being a trustworthy person is their thing.
Someone who’s naturally shy would find it difficult to be talkative and that discomfort would always show. Maybe BY being mysterious, you could cultivate your shyness.
Once you are onto something, the real essence is to “Be Yourself”.
3. Develop an Interesting Skill or Hobby.
Be talented at something: like piano, snowboarding, painting or whatever – it speaks well of you to develop a passion and be good at it. The skill or hobby itself gives you character; and having taken the time to learn it shows that you’re a go-getter.
Have you always wanted to learn an instrument? Take lessons or start teaching yourself. Wish you could pick locks? Get yourself a practice lock and a set of picks and hit YouTube for some tutorials. Want to be able to make at least one awesome meal? Learn how to cook that meal. The sky’s the limit; all you have to do is make the time to learn. Don’t do it to attract women or men – do it just for yourself.
4. Focus On the Other Senses Beyond Sight.
Using smell as an example: never underestimate the value of good personal hygiene. If someone smells good, it makes them 100% more attractive.
5. Look. Listen. Pay Attention.
Take an interest in the other side of the conversation. Practice conversing – not only speaking but listening well and showing interest in the person talking. Not waiting for someone to finish talking and then talking more about yourself couldn’t be less attractive.
Engage with the world, and with everyone in it. It is important to learn how to read people and adjust your behavior accordingly.
6. Learn. All the Time.
Read. Read anything and everything. Rip what you read apart for knowledge and wisdom. Learn from it and let it enrich you and be a companion through all you do. Beside reading, watch and listen in order to learn. Exercise curiosity about everything; then go try to figure out the answers to all your questions.
7. Love Yourself for Who You Are.
As cliché as it sounds, it’s true: You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. It works.
8. Grow Up.
People who whine, or gossip non-stop, are often oblivious to social settings, dependent on others and demand to be treated as an adult. Life is hard for most of us, we don’t need someone around who complains about it constantly. Some people remain single by forever complaining about how they can’t find someone. It is not a way to be desired.
Develop the self-awareness to understand yourself. Don’t be a burden on a relationship by only considering yourself. Give to the relationship.
Assess situations and plan how to overcome obstacles to reach your goals. Be responsible and empathetic, but remain playful, fun, lighthearted and enjoy silly things. Smile more.
Deal with your responsibilities in an adult fashion by not complaining all the time or expecting everyone else to take care of your shit for you.
9. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously All the Time.
You should be able to laugh at yourself. If you do something dumb, don’t act stubborn and not admit your mistake by refusing to be embarrassed. You don’t have to always be “cool, just laugh at yourself and have a good time.
Humans are funny, even when we screw up – especially when we screw up. By laughing at your own foibles, you’ll be able to deal with them better. This benefits both you and other people.
10. Learn to Express Yourself Clearly and Succinctly.
Cut out the “likes” “ums” and ‘you knows” from your word bank. In addition to ditching “filler” words from your vocabulary, also be conscious of your grammar and spelling in written communication. Messages like “U so hottt!!!!” are the exact opposite of hot.
11. Take Initiative.
If you hate something about yourself, try to fix it or own it. Being self depreciating only makes others feel uncomfortable. And it makes you look like you’re fishing for compliments. “Oh I’m… ugly”. What the hell am I supposed to say? I am not going to compliment you, so what are you expecting? We all have our insecurities, but by surrounding yourself with an aura of negativity, others won’t want to be around you much longer.
Also, you’re probably not as ugly as you think you are. Take a look at the average person you see walking around everyday. Most of those people have managed to get laid.
We all have flaws; to err is to be human and all that. But if there’s something you wish you could change about yourself, don’t just wish it — go ahead and make the change yourself.
12. Let It Go.
Let go trying to be attractive. If you are trying to control how sexy you are, you only look unattractive.
As an analogy, consider breathing. When you are aware of your breathing, it’s harder to do as you have to do it consciously. Try breathing manually now. Did you do it? Now try to do it in auto-pilot mode. Now you can breath easily and fluently.
By trying to be more attractive, you are making it hard to be attractive. It’s a natural process that should be left alone. Let sexuality take over your body.
You don’t have to be smiling all the time, but you do have the freedom and opportunity to be attractive every day.
Embrace your inner self.